What Should Parents Do When Their Children Face Exam Pressure? | Safe and Sound
During important periods such as the transition exam, graduation exam or university entrance exam, students have to face many requirements for studying and expectations for achievements. These things cause many children to fall into a state of psychological stress, prolonged fatigue and mental health decline. So when children start to show signs of stress, what should parents do to accompany their children properly without adding pressure during this important "sprint" period?
Ngo Thi Sang | Master of Educational Psychology – Applied mental health care Safe and Sound
Institute of Medical Technology Applications
1. Recognize early signs that your child is under exam pressure
Early detection of signs that your child is under exam pressure
Many parents mistakenly believe that it is normal for their children to spend a lot of time studying and worrying about grades. However, psychologists say that if these symptoms are accompanied by prolonged fatigue, behavioral changes, and negative emotions, it could be a sign of psychological stress.
Psychologists warn that the following signs in children need parents' attention:
- Children do not sleep well, often stay up late or wake up earlier than usual.
- Often complain of fatigue, headache, stomachache, loss of appetite
- Become sensitive, irritable, cry easily or conversely become withdrawn and quiet
- Or worry too much, fear of failing exams, fear of not meeting expectations
- Loss of interest in activities once enjoyed
- There are negative, self-blaming statements like "I'm so useless", "I'm bad at everything I study", "I don't want to live anymore"...
If your child has two or more symptoms that last for more than two weeks, parents should consider seeing a psychologist for a more in-depth assessment of their child's mental health.
2. Reasons why children feel stressed and tired during exam season
To be effective, parents need to understand that their children's exam pressure comes from many sides:
a. Pressure from parents' expectations
Many students admit that the words “Parents just need you to get into a top school” or “You have to work hard for your future” are the biggest psychological burden for children. According to psychologists, although they have positive meanings, if communicated incorrectly, these words can make children feel that they are only recognized when they achieve good results.
b. Pressure from school environment and friends
Pressure from school environment and friends
Comparisons of grades, academic performance, and test results in class and on social media cause many students to fall into a state of anxiety, lack of confidence, or fear of being left behind. This causes children to spend all their time studying but not studying effectively, leading to prolonged psychological fatigue.
c. Pressure from oneself
Many students set very high expectations for their children, such as "must get 9 or 10 points on the exam", "must get into the best school", "must not fail"... When they fail to achieve their goals, children easily fall into a spiral of self-blame, loss of motivation, anxiety and crisis.
3. What should parents do when their children are under exam pressure?
a. Be a listener before giving advice
According to psychologists, the most important thing parents need to do is create a safe space for their children to share without fear of being judged. Let them express their fears, worries, stress and pressure that are weighing on their hearts.
- Instead of asking: "Why do you study so much but your grades are still so low?",
- Try: “Have you been feeling tired or stressed lately? Let's talk.”
Listening with eyes, with empathy, without interrupting, without "lecturing" is the best way to help your child open up.
b. Work with your child to build a flexible and effective study plan.
Psychologists say that studying for many hours is not effective. Studying continuously without a break will exhaust the brain, causing the child to lose the ability to memorize and analyze. Guide your child to study according to the Pomodoro cycle (25 minutes of study - 5 minutes of rest) or schedule review according to each time period, interspersed with entertainment and physical activity.
If parents do not control too much, but still accompany their children in building a learning path, it will help them feel supported and not supervised, and their children will feel more comfortable.
c. Instead of expecting grades, recognize your child's efforts.
Instead of expecting grades, recognize your child's efforts.
Many students are psychologically traumatized when they are only praised when they get good grades, and when they get low grades, they are scolded and compared. This causes them to attach their self-worth to their achievements, one of the risk factors leading to school depression.
Psychologists share that parents should:
- Recognize the process, not just the results.
- Praise even the smallest progress
- Avoid questions like “you have to be better than friend A or friend B”, instead ask “do you think you studied better today than yesterday?”
Proper recognition will help your child restore energy, regain confidence and feel “worth it” even when the results are not as expected.
d. Encourage your child to maintain physical and mental health
Under the pressure of intense and tiring exams, students often skip meals, sleep less, and exercise less. This directly affects their mental health. Parents can support their children by:
- Cook nutritious, easy-to-digest meals and avoid fast food.
- Remind your child to rest and not stay up past 11pm.
- Suggest your child take a walk, do some light exercise, or listen to relaxing music.
- Encourage your child to keep an emotional diary to relieve stress.
These small actions are a "tonic" for your child's spirit during exam season.
e. Seek professional help when necessary
When symptoms of fatigue, stress, and depression persist and do not improve despite efforts to provide support, parents should not hesitate to take their children to see a school psychologist or reputable counseling center.
Psychotherapy is not a negative thing. On the contrary, it is a civilized solution to help children learn to understand themselves, control their emotions and overcome the crisis in a healthy way.
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If you feel your child needs help from a psychologist or psychiatrist, start by finding a reputable counseling center or service. You can choose to have face-to-face counseling or online counseling, depending on your and your child’s conditions and comfort level. Most importantly, be open to sharing and accepting guidance from a professional. 
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See also:
Signs of depression in puberty
Listening to your child with a psychologist: Understanding teenage depression
